Is Forever Really Forever? Analyzing Forever by Judy Blume
There are novels that were published in the 70s and 80s that are still held with such high esteem for young adults today. Judy Blume’s Forever is one of those novels. Honestly, I don’t think it should be. If anything, it should be used to start a conversation. Although, there are parts of it that are ahead of its time, there are others that need to be talked about. The way Blume goes about the relationship between Katherine and Michael leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Michael’s best friend, Artie, is unsure of his sexuality throughout the book, and the way he’s portrayed isn’t okay. Both Katherine and Artie are pressured into doing things that they don’t exactly want to do. No one should ever be pressured into anything of a sexual nature at all, even if it’s simply kissing someone. I know that every relationship is different, but there should still be consent. If someone says no, the person should stop immediately.
The first occurrence of something questionable happening is within the first chapter of the novel. Michael comes back the day after a party to get his records back and Katherine goes with him to differentiate between hers and his. Then towards the end this happens, “I was making a stack of K.D.s when he said, ‘Look…’ and grabbed my wrist. … ‘That’s okay.’ He was still holding my wrist” (7). If he was holding her hand that would be one thing, that’s a more romantic gesture, but he grabs her wrist instead. This scene makes me uncomfortable because grabbing someone’s wrist is more of a threatening gesture than a romantic one. Sometimes someone might lead another by their wrist somewhere, but that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Michael does it to grab her attention. A simple word or phrase could have done the trick or even grabbing her hand, but he grabs her wrist instead.
There are moments that are okay, where their relationship almost seems romantic rather than toxic, such as, when Michael goes to kiss Katherine for the first time. He asks her, “‘Can I kiss you, Katherine?’” (11), which is romantic. I know I would love it if a guy were to ask if he could kiss me, especially for the first time. Their relationship quickly turns to sex and there’s really only one instance that seems okay and that’s right before they have sex for the first time. Katherine has this thought, “And when we were naked, in each other’s arms, I wanted to do everything — I wanted to feel him inside me” (102). At least she consents in her mind that she wants this to happen and then says it out loud for Michael to hear. However, there are so many instances before this finally happens where Michael is pushing for it to happen. While there are romantic moments in the novel, they are few and far between.
There are so many red flags throughout this novel when it comes to consent, but one that made me really uncomfortable was when Katherine went to change after they had a water fight in the kitchen.
‘Did you know that soft mattresses are no good for making love?’/‘Michael…’/ ‘Really…I mean it.’/‘That’s very interesting…now would you please leave so I can change.’/‘Are you ashamed of your body, Katherine?’/‘No…of course not.’/‘Then what’s the difference if I stay?’/‘Oh…’ I shook my head at him, turned away and unbuttoned my shirt. I pulled it off and unhooked my bra, which was also wet. Then I hesitated for a minute and slipped that off too. I reached for my dry bra and put it on. All that time neither of us said anything. / Then Michael was behind me. / ‘You promised…’ I reminded him. / ‘I’ll hook it for you…that’s all.’/‘Don’t bother.’/‘It’s no trouble.’ But instead of hooking it he slid his hands around to my breasts and kissed the back of my neck. (41)
He gropes her without her saying he could. She clearly doesn’t want him to see her naked in any way, shape, or form. Sex seems to be the only thing Michael can think of. Which is something that a lot of people say about guys, but that’s not the case at all. There’s more to life than sex. I get that this novel is all about Katherine losing her virginity, but once sexual things start to happen that seems to be the only thing either one of them really cares about. That’s not a healthy relationship at all. There are so many other times that Michael does things like this or puts pressure on her to have sex.
Pressuring someone into having sex should be considered assault, and I’m pretty sure in this day and age is considered as such. I know things were different back in the 70s, but that should make people question it more than they are today. It’s possible there are people out there that are questioning this novel in their classrooms, but a lot of the articles I saw after doing a quick Google search were still praising this book a few years ago. Michael pressures Katherine so many times. There are times that she gets her way in not having sex, but she compromises by doing other things that Michael wants. Michael doesn’t listen to what she’s saying, this is one example.
‘Michael…I’m not sure…please…’/‘Shush…don’t say anything.’/‘But Michael…’/‘Like always, Kath…that’s all…’/ We both left on our underpants but after a minute Michael was easing mine down and then his fingers began exploring me. I let my hands wander across his stomach and down his legs and finally I began to stroke Ralph. (101)
(Ralph is Michael’s name for his penis.) She starts off by saying she’s not sure. Michael should have stopped right then and there. In a sense Katherine said no, and whenever someone says no, or is even unsure, the other person needs to stop right away. That’s a good point to have a conversation, not continue what he’s doing. She’s clearly not okay with what’s happening, but goes along with it anyway because she wants to make him happy. This shouldn’t be the only way to make him happy. Sex isn’t the be all end all of relationships. There are relationships out there that make it just fine without sex. It’s more about the intimacy than the sex itself. I don’t see a lot of intimacy between Katherine and Michael. All he cares about is sex.
The first time they actually have sex, which is Katherine’s first time, it’s a tad bit lackluster.
I could feel him halfway inside me and then Michael whispered, ‘Kath…’/‘What?’/‘I think I’m going to come again.’/ I felt a big thrust, followed by a quick sharp pain that made me suck in my breath. ‘Oh…oh,’ Michael cried, but I didn’t come. I wasn’t even close. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘I couldn’t hold off.’ He stopped moving. ‘It wasn’t any good for you, was it?’/‘Everybody says the first time is no good for a virgin. I’m not disappointed.’ But I was. I’d wanted it to be perfect. (106)
The part that I didn’t like about this was that he shoved himself inside her. When a woman loses her virginity, she has to have a lot of time spent on her getting her ready. And even then, the guy has to take it slow going inside her for the first time. I can only imagine how much that hurt her. It does reflect on how first times aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be. That part is good, but it doesn’t have to be this bad. I mean Michael could have come just halfway inside her and then they could both be disappointed. Of course, she lies to him by saying that she’s not disappointed when she really is. She needs to communicate what she’s feeling to Michael, so he can help fix it the next time. I like that it explores how sex for the first time can be disappointing, especially after everyone hyped it up, but the way they go about it is all wrong. Every relationship and sexual experience is different, but this one just seems especially bad all because he just shoves himself into her. If I were her, I might have hit him for going in all at once like that. And I would have said something about it hurting too. There’s no real sense of him asking her if this is okay or if she wants it. She does tell him yes at one point, but that was hours beforehand. At that point he should have waited for another yes, but that doesn’t happen.
At one-point Michael and Katherine are talking about Michael’s friend, Artie, and the play he was in and Michael says to her, “‘Oh, sure. I only go with you because I can’t get anything better.’ He pulled me down next to him. ‘We can’t do anything to help Artie, right now.’/‘I suppose not…’/‘We can help Ralph, though,’ he said, moving my hand to his belt buckle” (89–90). What he says in the beginning isn’t okay at all. You don’t say that to a girl you’re seeing, or anyone for that matter. I see how it could be sweet, him saying that, meaning she’s the best of the best. However, the way it’s phrased is awful. I would feel so low after a guy said something like that to me. It seems more like he’s saying that he’s only with her because nothing better has come along yet. The minute something better comes along, or someone prettier than her, what’s to say that he won’t drop her in a minute? Katherine doesn’t even say anything back to him and then he expects her to give him a hand job at the very least. It’s infuriating. What’s even more infuriating is how Michael’s friend Artie is dealt with in the novel.
Artie questions his sexuality all throughout the novel. It’s mostly implied that he’s gay, but he’s not sure. So, of course Erica, Katherine’s best friend, is tasked with trying to figure out his sexuality with him. To begin with, this isn’t okay. No one should press anyone to figure out their sexuality in any sense at all. That’s something someone explores on their own, but Erica takes it upon herself to try to get Artie to do things with her. It seems like this is the whole reason Erica wants to go after Artie, “‘He could be inexperienced, I suppose,’ Erica said. ‘If that’s the case I could teach him. I really wouldn’t mind…I love his teeth’” (29). All because she loves his teeth. That’s not a reason to go after someone. I get it. I have a thing for guys with good teeth too, but that’s not the whole reason I go after someone.
She doesn’t care if he’s inexperienced, and chalks that up to why he’s not doing anything with her. The simplest reason could be that he doesn’t want to be with her, which should be a good enough reason. She’s insistent though. As the book goes on, she becomes even more insistent with Artie. This is proven by a conversation that Erica and Katherine have about a conversation that Erica and Artie had the night before.
‘I did…when he took me home from the party and kissed me goodnight on the cheek I came right out and asked him, Artie, are you queer?’/‘You didn’t!’/‘Want to bet…’/‘What’d he say?’/‘He said, I don’t know, Erica, but I’m trying to find out.’/‘Jesus…’/‘So I asked him, Artie…how can you find out when all we ever do is play games…Monopoly, bingo, chess, backgammon…they’re coming out of my ears.’/‘And?’/‘He said, I’m scared to try, Erica. Now that’s being honest, wouldn’t you say?’/‘Definitely.’/‘So I told him not to worry…that I’ll help him find out and he said he’d really appreciate that. So next weekend, while you’re in Vermont…’/‘If I get to go,’/I said. /‘If you get to go…Artie and I will be trying to get at the truth.’ (57)
The only people Artie should be trying to find the truth with should be other men. I get that at this point in time there weren’t a whole lot of out gay men, but that would be the only way for him to find out if he’s gay. The way he’s handled throughout the novel just makes my skin crawl. It makes me want to reach out and hug him because I can tell he’s struggling so much. It’s good that there’s a character like him in the book, but he could have been so much better than he was. I know this was published back in the 70s, but then people should be talking about how it treats people who are gay or struggling with their sexuality, and not hold it in such high esteem anymore.
Consent is such an important thing in life, especially with everyone coming forward now about sexual assault allegations in our society. So, to have a novel like Judy Blume’s Forever, be held in such high esteem after this long and after all that’s happened in our world, is just wrong. There should be conversations had about this novel, where is a starting point to get to bigger issues we have in our society. These things still happen in our society today and we have to figure out why and ways to fix it. This isn’t the way life should happen. No one should hold this book up as an example for how things should go. Children should be taught to respect and listen to others, not just themselves. Michael is an example of someone who is self-centered and that doesn’t make a good lover. I understand that people were brought up differently back then, but that needs to be acknowledged and corrected. This novel explores ideas of teens having sex and their sexuality before many others, but it’s time to let other, more recent novels, have the spotlight. There needs to be conversations had around the things that happen in this novel. Parents need to talk to their children and teachers should talk to their kids about this book. This isn’t a basis, but a start.
