Engagement Rings and the Judgment that Comes with Them
People can be so judgmental, even with the smallest of things. I’m guilty of this too at times. Even with something that’s supposed to represent love and commitment, we’ve let ourselves make it more about how much money was spent instead of the love and the thought that’s supposed to go into it. I’ve seen things popping up on the internet about how people were judged based on their engagement ring, whether it was too small or didn’t look expensive enough, or it they themselves were judging it harshly. It just goes to show how materialistic the world has gotten, or maybe has always been. And yes, I admit to being guilty of this way too much, but I’ve started saying that something’s just not my style instead of completely writing it off.
As far as the money issue goes, I never understood what seemed like a requirement to spend a certain amount on an engagement ring. I don’t want my boyfriend to spend an arm and a leg on a ring for me. I’d feel way too guilty knowing he spent so much money on me. Before I was in my current relationship, I had a set ring in mind that I wanted, but I don’t really have that anymore. My Pinterest board has so many different kinds of rings on it now, which just goes to show that I have no idea what I actually want anymore. However, I know that when the time is right he’ll know what to get me. The only reason I still look at rings is because I love looking at them and dreaming about the one I’ll get one day.
However, that dream isn’t as solid as it once was. I used to be that person that thought she knew exactly what she wanted and tried to find it in every store, but my mind has started to change. I don’t know when the change started, but now when I think about the ring that I wanted before I don’t like it as much. There wouldn’t have been any element of surprise to it. Before now I would see other rings and think nope those aren’t for me, but now I feel slightly different. I see how happy it makes that person and that’s what really matters. The ring itself may not be my style but I can admire it for the feeling behind it, since it’s the feeling that matters not the object itself.
The love and thought that’s put into buying the ring and making sure it’s just right for the person being proposed to is all that matters. Other people shouldn’t judge an engagement ring based on how bit it is or how expensive or inexpensive it might have been. That’s not fair to the wearer of the ring or the one who got it for them. That ring might not be your style, but it’s someone else’s and it’s making that someone else so incredibly happy. If you asked me a few years ago what I wanted I would have rattled off the two stones I wanted in my three-stone setting along with how I wanted a decorated band and all that, but I don’t want that anymore. I have ideas of what I want, but they’re much more general now. The decorated band is still the same, but I don’t have a specific band in mind like I did back then. I still would like something other than a diamond as the main focus, but even that’s ever changing. Although I don’t agree with diamonds being so expensive since everyone gets them, I can still appreciate how gorgeous they are. I just want something that’s unique to me and in that comes the thought and the love.
Maybe that’s what love is; not being so obsessed over the perfect ring and just caring about the thought and love that goes into it. I know I was obsessed with finding the perfect ring in my last relationship, but maybe that’s why it ended. I was so focused on finding that perfect ring that I didn’t care about anything else. I didn’t see the relationship falling apart. It turned out to be for the better since I’m a lot happier in my current relationship than I was in that one.
It’s one thing for others to judge a ring you love (and the person you love along with it), but it’s completely different if it’s a ring you hate. The receiver of the ring should know immediately if they love the ring or hate it. I read a story once about a woman who went to get her ring appraised and didn’t like what she found out so she went to her new fiancé about it. Needless to say, that didn’t end well when he found out she had gone to see how much he spent on the ring. It’s one thing if it’s just not your style, but it’s completely different if you don’t like simply because of its value. That’s when you should do a little soul searching. Are you really in love with who just proposed to you or do you just care about getting a ring? If it’s the latter it’s probably time to break it off, if the person who proposed hasn’t already.
I don’t understand why people have to spend a certain amount on an engagement ring. It’s not about the money spent but the love behind it. I know whenever I look at engagement rings for fun I never understand why one ring costs thousands of dollars when another that looks similar to it is hundreds of dollars. If my boyfriend proposed tomorrow with a $20 ring from a department store I’d say yes in a heartbeat. I don’t care about how much a ring costs. I’d personally feel bad if he spent thousands of dollars on a ring. This ring is going to go through years of wear and tear and probably have to be fixed a few times. It’s an investment in the relationship, but I’d rather be able to spend more on the wedding and the honeymoon that come after than have it all go to my ring. I’d rather have that extra money be spent on something for the two of us as a couple rather than just this one thing for me. Plus, I have faith in him to get me a ring that I love, one that’s unique to me. He knows my style better than anyone else and that’s the point of an engagement ring. It’s supposed to show you how well he knows you and your style. Some people like to pick out their own engagement ring, which is fine, but I personally like the element of surprise. The surprise element adds more to the moment. Taking a woman into a jewelry store and telling her to pick any ring in the store and it’s hers is not the way to go either, like the scene in Sweet Home Alabama.
Engagement rings are about love and commitment not materialistic nonsense. The world needs to stop being so judgmental in general, but especially with this. These rings aren’t supposed to be a contest. They’re supposed to represent your relationship and how well the person proposing knows you and your style. I like to think my boyfriend knows my style better than I do sometimes. Judging others for what they love is wrong and people need to accept the fact that everyone is different. Everyone deserves to have the ring of their dreams, no matter what anyone else thinks about it.
